Whom Shall I Kill?

Gosh, why is it so hard to be me? To be such a perfectionist yet melancholic (I thought that this sensitive characteristic is changed from the last personality test). And it always comes when Christmas is near. To be trusted with the responsibility of taking care the event could be a very heavy burden to carry with. I am complaining now? Maybe, through writing.

Okay, so now is the ‘curhatan hati’ from the rock bottom. So for this Christmas I am going to produce a film. Every Sunday is shooting time and the plan is that this shooting will be over by the end of November which I only got 3 more weeks to finish the post production. To be a producer, director, cameraman, and also the script-writer all in one can be a very exhausting ministry ever! I have been all of those in the past four or five Christmas, I think.

Anyway the shotting is on-going now for three weeks and I edit the scenes when I have time. What really frustate me is while I have not edited the last scenes that were shot, Sunday came and I got more scenes to be edited. It keeps getting bigger and bigger like a snowball rolling down teh mountain. I sleep around 2 AM almost everyday and have to work on the next day. Now after three weeks, I surely got a lot of scenes to work in.

Moreover, no matter how smart or great we make a plan, it always slip! Yeah, I went through it on the last shooting. With the help of lots and lots of disturbances, we could not shoot all of the scenes that were planned so we have to make time maybe around the last November to shoot the rest. So it means that I still have three or more scenes to edit by the start of Desember. Not just that, my friend is getting married this Sunday and as their bestman, I am going to edit their wedding clip. So I have to postpone the film editing and focus on the wedding clip.

Today is Tuesday. Wednesday is shooting time. Thursday there is something to do in church. Saturday I am already booked. So the remaining day is only Friday to edit this Wedding clip. Thinking about editing all of this film and clip is what gets me screaming in the car which just happened when I was on my way here at some Hello Kitty Cafe to have my late lunch. I surely want to finish all of it as soon as possible but the circumstances are not on my side and it keeps going in my head.

Call me melancholic, but these are really getting me. These burdens that I carry on my shoulder, I know that it is not as heavy as the cross that Jesus carry on Calvary but still, very heavy. God created me to be this overthinking perfectionist is something that I have to live with. I want this editing to be perfect, flawless but there still will be flaw. I just have to make it as perfect as possible and it kills lot of my mind and time.  I can keep on writing by comparing myself to others that are not this busy for Christmas or how others even the actors are likely to complain to me (who should be the one with the biggest complaint) about when the shooting finish so they can go home bla bla bla. But I am not going to think about that.

To be given this responsibility is a way for me to be grateful. In the end, I will be very satisfied as the film is shown and people are blessed with it. I just have to shout out my stress through here. Now whom shall I kill? Haha.

Be blessed!

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